I wish I had met my friend Liza ten years ago, when I was 18. Over dinner recently, she shared with me the best relationship advice I have ever heard.

Her advice was so simple, it was almost frightening that in my 10 years as a card-carrying member of the adult nation, I had never heard it.

“If you really care about something, you make time for it”” she said.

Wow. I know, not as mind-blowing as you thought, right? But, think a little more about it. How many women do you k, in just a matter of time, their partner will put them first? How many women do you know who stick it out for years with a partner who puts their career, athletics, travel, or other relationships over their partner, perhaps all at the same time?

I have friends who have been in relationships throughout their twenties that have not led to commitment beyond steady dating and serious physical intimacy. These women I am thinking of would like to live with their partners and get married; however, their significant others are not, seemingly, interested in that kind of commitment.

Liza’s advice certainly goes both ways. How many of us have been unsure about a relationship because we didn’t want to compromise other areas of our lives? How many of us have been wishy-washy with someone because we weren’t sure if we really found them attractive, or if the sex was really great, or if we liked their friends?

However, we manage to make the daily decisions of picking out clothes to wear, making dinner, at least picking a restaurant. We find time for a weekly exercise or art class, spend money on hobbies, and choose a career.

We are able to find time for and prioritize aspects of our lives, and
we are able to make choices. So, why is this same thought process so
hard for us when it comes to relationships? We know that if you really care about something, you make time for it.

But, relationships: relationships are so heavy, so significant, so serious. How dare I compare prioritizing a relationship to a yoga class? Because, they are the same; it’s the same mechanism at work in our brains and our hearts - we know what we want, what we like, what we love. It’s called instinct, and we all have it. We know what makes us uncomfortable, what makes us feel badly, what we just don’t like. We avoid foods, places, and people who don’t sit well with us. We are drawn to and can’t pull ourselves away from those things that we really, really like.

Love, the best kind of love, makes you feel good. It shouldn’t make you feel bad, guilty, scared, or ashamed. A person who loves you and wants to be with you treats you like a queen. That person might do anything from getting up from a favorite TV show to get you a glass of water to at least seriously considers moving across the country to be
with you.

For all of us who are struggling to know if a relationship is worth the work we’re putting into it, or for all of us who aren’t putting in enough work, think about Liza’s advice. Look to other areas of your life to see how you prioritize. See if your relationship comes close to first for you, or see if it’s high up on the list for your significant other. If you really care about someone, you make time for them.